Once again, I open my mouth, I get myself in trouble.

I had a bag of leftover chocolate I was bringing into work to pass around the office and walked passed my boss on the way in.

ME: Want candy. (Holding up the bag.)
HIM: Isn't that my line. You should know better than to offer a dirty old man candy.
ME: I meant figuratively not literally! (brief pause) No, wait, I meant the other way 'round. Literally, not figuratively.

Then I stomped up the stairs trailing the tattered remains of my dignity while he cackled in the lobby.